We’ve been told since we were kids that the “Truth Shall Set You Free.” Right? We know about the white lies, the black lies and all the colorful lies in between that build up a sticky residue on our good clean souls and contaminate our lives with bad karma and guilt induced depression. So I’ve decided I’m going to come clean. Lay it all out on the line and rid myself of the shame and angst that comes with storing embarrassing information inside my head and my seven stressed out chakras. Here it is, my top ten most embarrasing and hurtful lies I’m afraid to admit to myself and the rest of the world. Here goes…
1. I pick my nose when I think no one is looking.
2. I secretly want to punch my boyfriend in the face when he makes those annoying sounds in the morning.
3. I pretend to give a shit about what other people are saying when really I’m running my grocery list through my head.
4. I steal peoples “cute little catch phrases” and act as though I made them up.
5. I pretend to be happy for people when they tell me something fabulous has happened to them when I secretly want to go home and ball my eyes out because its just not happening for me (that was a tough one)
6. I love, love, love old weepy love songs from the 80′s …Lionel Richie, Al Jarreau etc.
7. I turn my workouts into revenge fantasy sessions where I run into all my ex-boyfriends looking hot and skinny!
8. I stopped getting bikini waxes because they hurt like hell and I freakin hate them.
9. I walk by fabulous outdoor restaurants where there is always a celebrity sighting and pretend not to give a shit who’s sitting out there.
10. I have about a million more secret lies but I’m too humiliated right now to continue and its cocktail hour …somewhere!
I wish I could say I’m feeling better after getting that off my chest but something inside me is saying that is just the beginning of a long and sordid list of painful untruths that I’ve been telling myself all these years. After all I’ve had 20 something years (ok 30 something years) of lies built up inside my aching little heart and sometimes a girls just gotta do what a girls gotta do…honestly.
